


Snapping Point

by Higgystar



Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Gen, mentions of domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-18
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-16 04:18:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1331605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Higgystar/pseuds/Higgystar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another fill for a prompt from The Walking Dead Kink Meme: Carol has a bad day and Daryl asking an innocent question becomes the final straw to push her to her snapping point. Being reprimanded by someone he thought of as a friend causes Daryl to begin displaying similar actions that he used to as a child avoiding conflict from his father.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

After they’d secured the prison and bought in the survivors of Woodbury, Carol had thought everything would be easier to deal with. After all having so few people trying to make such a vast area liveable had been a lot of work, then making it secure against attack had been even more troublesome, leaving them all shouldering more work than they’d been used to and exhausting them all. So when there had been more hands on deck she’d been shocked yes, but also relieved that there would be more to assist in the hard work it took just to keep the place running. It was all very well clearing walkers, but keeping the place clean, making sure that everyone else was fed and watered was a hard job, but someone had to do it and the role of head caretaker had fallen to her.

She figured it was because of her life before all of this. When she’d been kept locked away behind closed doors trying desperately to make Ed happy by taking care of every little thing in the house. Being a housewife was hard work despite everyone else’s assumptions, and being the housewife to a man that would break her arm for one ornament out of place was even more trying. So she figures she’s had more than enough experience to keep the prison running smoothly, they all had their areas of expertise and this was hers.

However, it seemed a lot of those from Woodbury had not taken kindly to having to work for their living suddenly. The Governor may have kept them pampered and waited on them hand and foot, but they didn’t have the time nor the resources to do such a thing and it was beginning to irk her that they didn’t pull their weight as much. Or maybe it was just hard to adjust from caring for roughly a dozen people to suddenly having to ensure over fifty were well cared for. It was a difficult change, but if nothing else she had learned how to adapt to whatever this world could throw at her.

Today had been one of the days where things were wearing her down more and more, chipping away at her slowly until what started as a loose pebble became a full blown avalanche. Judith had been fussing all night, teething and upset because of it, giving her no more than a few hours of consecutive sleep. She knew the world wouldn’t wait for her to have a nap, but sometimes she wished for a full night of sleep. Carol had wondered how taking care of Rick’s child had fallen onto her, in her more spiteful moments she’d considered just dumping the baby on him and making him take care of her for the day. But that was selfish, it wasn’t Judith’s fault that she was in pain with no way of solving it, and it made complete sense for Carol to be the one to be the main caregiver to her since she was the only one here who had actually been a mother and Rick had his hands full with the defence of the place. Really she was just being mean due to her lack of sleep, it was nothing, Judith needed caring for and she could not abandon her because of her bad mood.

So the day had continued with her making sure everything was in place and working whilst balancing Judith on her hip, trying to keep her mind off of her sore gums. Working one handed was slow, but she was managing well enough to get everything washed up in their makeshift sink, using the fresh water for anything they would eat off of. Smiling a little she stacks the mismatched plates and bowls on the side to dry, thinking back to her matching crockery at home with the paisley pattern around the edges, a wedding gift from her mother. Back then she’d been so upset to chip it, now everyone had something different and had managed to pick out their favourites that had become ‘theirs’. She supposed it was the little things that kept them going.

Humming a little nursery rhyme to Judith she’d smiled when Beth had come in, dragging that boy with her, Patrick or something. “Excellent, here could you take Judith for me so I can get this laundry done?” Holding out the baby she watches as Beth’s face falls, a small pout on her lips before she bites the lower one.

“But I was going to take Patrick to see Cell block D, where we’re making it nice for them all? He wants to choose his cell first and it’s better if we don’t go anywhere alone so…”

When she trails off Carol finds herself smiling tightly, keeping her thoughts of young girls and boys running off together to herself and wondering if Hershel knew about this. But really what harm would it do to let the girl have some fun? After all it’s been the first time she’s seen her smile in a long time. Shaking her head she places Judith back on her hip, giving them a reassuring smile since the boy looked like a spooked deer. “You go on ahead, just don’t be too long, I’m not explaining to your father if he comes looking.”

“Thanks Carol, we’ll behave.” Beth is practically skipping out the door, clutching Patrick’s hand and Carol can swear she sees a blush scatter across that boy’s cheeks as he’s dragged into Beth’s adventure. Really it wasn’t like she couldn’t handle the laundry on her own and Beth needed to be a young woman, not a scared child anymore.

“Looks like it’s just you and me girl.” She sighs to Judith, hitching her back up into place before going to fill the buckets she needed to get their clothes as clean as possible. The sunlight almost burns her eyes after the dark coolness of the cellblock but she struggles through to begin filling what she needs from their water butts. Yes the water’s not the cleanest but for their clothes there’s no point wasting resources in boiling and sterilising it all, so long as she had soap and some elbow grease it would do well enough.

Looking out over the grounds she can get a general idea of where everyone else is busy. Rick and Carl are tending to the pigs, giving them fresh scraps from yesterday and making sure their pen is secure enough. Personally she’d prefer chickens since they gave something useful before they died, but pigs had been a godsend either way. Up in the tower she can see Sasha and Tyreese keeping watch for anything untoward and Michonne making her way up the stairs to relieve one of them.

It had been a while since she’d had the luxury of being on watch. Before it would have been a boring tasks with so much responsibility it was almost daunting, but now she’d rather have a night to just focus on something other than Judith. In her arms the baby babbles, gaining her attention and a little bit of guilt eats away at Carol for thinking such things.

She can’t see Glenn and Maggie but she had a feeling she knew what they were up to somewhere on the premises, trying to find somewhere safe but empty was getting more difficult with so many people, so they’d probably had to hunt further afield. Sometimes it wore on her that they seemed to have everything in a time of need for so many. A future shone ahead of them full of love, possibly children and the security of a family around them to help. She had only herself now and a spiteful little piece of her heart hates them for having so much when she’s lost everything she held dear to her. Brushing thoughts of Sophia aside she focuses on the here and now, bouncing Judith and filling more buckets.

Across the yard she can see the children from Woodbury playing, smiling and laughing in the sunshine and not bothered by the growls and snarls of the walkers behind the fences. They’ve got a ball somehow and though it’s only a simple game of catch between them she can see it’s so much more for them all. They can be children if only for a moment, playing together and forgetting the awfulness of the world for the time being. Sighing a little she turns off the taps and begins lugging the buckets back inside one handed to fill the old metal tub they’d discovered for laundry.

It seemed everyone else was enjoying themselves today, whether by playing out in the sun or staying inside from the heat to relax. Well she’d just have to take a day off tomorrow for her turn, someone had to focus on the tasks at hand.

Hearing the scampering sound of running footsteps she looks up immediately, expecting the worst and letting out a sigh of relief when Lizzie and Micah come skidding around the hallway in front of her. “Morning girls.”

“Morning Carol.” They grin together, so alike and yet so different in their own ways. Micah is the quieter sister, hiding behind Lizzie and following her lead into all sorts of trouble Carol is sure. She reminds Carol of Sophia and that burns just a little deeper every time she looks at her. “Dad said we should bring this to you.” Lizzie dumps what looks to be some sort of shirt on the table next to her, spreading it out and pointing at a rip on the side. “It needs sewing.”

“Well I’m a little busy right now but-“

“Thanks Carol, we’re going to go play outside with the others, we’ll pick it up before dinner?”

Before she can make sense of what’s happened or managed to ask the girls for assistance they’re gone again, skipping away without a car in the world and making whatever dark cloud is inside of her grow a little more. How dare they just assume that she had the time for this? Couldn’t they see that she was busy? And there had been no politeness to their request, if they were her daughters they would have been raised to mind their manners and at least said please to her. No it was disgusting behaviour and she was well within her right to be annoyed at the presumption that she had nothing better to do than to mend clothes.

Sighing loudly she gives herself a moment to just breathe, to let it out internally and close her eyes against what she wants to say and do. It’s not their fault, they’re just being kids and they probably haven’t had to do any chores in a long time, they didn’t mean to be rude they were just excited about going to play. That was all it was. Just a mistake by two silly little girls. Letting out one long slow breath she opens her eyes and allows herself to carry on with her work, setting down Judith to crawl on the floor for a bit before heading to the piles of laundry that had gathered.

She’d used to scold Sophia for doing that, leaving balls of laundry discarded at the base of the stairs to be sorted out. Once she’d simply picked it up and put it back in the girl’s bed to teach her a lesson. They used to laugh about it afterwards when Sophia would help her out, folding sheets and bundling each other up in soft towels warm from the dryer.

When Judith whimpers Carol finds herself grateful for the distraction and goes to pick her up, kicking clothes closer to the buckets and trying to forget about it for a moment. Holding the small body close she gives Judith all of her attention, cooing to her, bouncing her and trying to soothe her and stop her from griping about her tooth pain. Carol is so absorbed in adoring the beautiful girl that she doesn’t expect the accident until it happens, Judith giving a feeble whine before throwing up over her, spattering Carol’s shirt and her own baby grow with milky vomit.

Carol can’t even find the words to convey the overwhelming need to scream in frustration about it all.

It makes her sound like a petulant teenager to even think it, but it’s just not fair. This whole day feels like it had just been planned to make her want to throw everything to the floor and give up, right now it felt like whatever battle it was, she was losing pitifully. Judith squirms in her arms and she supposes that it’s another job that she has to get on with since no one else was here to do it. Gritting her teeth she sets Judith down and removes her baby grow, allowing her to crawl about in her diaper whilst she throws the soiled item in the tub with her own over shirt, leaving her in a vest. Might as well get the worst of it out whilst she could.

Dropping to her knees she grabs the clothing and gets out the worst of it, using the buckets to get the chunks out of the water and refilling it with the cleaner fluid. It was vile, she’d forgotten how much she hated cleaning up vomit but it wasn’t as if Judith could step up to the plate and help. Dumping more clothes into the water she begins lathering it all up with the soap, using the washboard, rubbing the fabric as much as she could to try and work out the various stains. Mud, blood, sweat, various bodily fluids and possibly parts of organs. She really hadn’t ever planned on this being where her life would lead her.

Hearing the door to the block open and swing shut with a clang she keeps her attention focussed on the laundry and Judith, and managing a small smile when the little girl crawls over to try and stand using the tub’s edge as a handhold. Glancing over her shoulder she’s usually relieved to see Daryl, finding him someone easy to talk to and his honesty and quiet nature was reassuring in a world of noise and fear. However, when he speaks she is overcome with the urge to strangle him.

“Hey Carol have you seen my undershirt? I think I put it out to be washed, but I need it cause I got blood on my vest from the hunt today.”

It’s the final straw that breaks the camel’s back and something snaps, causing the black cloud within her chest to burst and the thunder comes rolling out in one loud angry yell. She’s on her feet in a second, spinning on her heels to face him with a face pinched tight in anger. “What?” When Daryl flinches back she knows he’s never heard her this angry, but right now she doesn’t care, everything just comes flowing out that she’d been holding in. “You expect to me to just have everything done for you as if I’m some sort of slave? Oh no, not a slave, you all just expect me to be your mother!”

Yanking the shirt Daryl wants from the tub she balls it up and throws the soaking wet thing at him, hitting his chest with a wet thunk and getting a flinch in return. He looks wounded but at the moment it doesn’t feel like enough. “Well I am not your mother, I am not your carer, I have no responsibility to do any of this for anyone and you all just take advantage of me and use me to do all your dirty work whilst you get to play in the sun. It’s disgusting.” She huffs, running her wet fingers through her hair and not caring that it sticks up all over the place.

Daryl looks lost, torn between giving her the attention she deserves and watching the floor like a scolded child. Right now she has no sympathy, just more anger to let loose. “You people just expect so much from me and don’t want to share the hard work, why can’t you just either leave me alone to get on with the work you won’t do or actually give a damn and help me?” After whimpering and whining on the floor by her feet Judith finally begins crying fully, tears falling down her cheeks at the shouting. “And now you’ve made the baby cry, well done Daryl. Really, great job.”

She lifts Judith from the floor and storms over to him, the rage inside of her not allowing her to see the way he steps back a little and hunches his shoulders in fear. It’s with a heavy hand that she dumps Judith in his arms and then pushes past him spitefully, not caring that the laundry isn’t done, that Judith is only in a diaper and that she hasn’t even thought about dinner yet. “Do something useful for once whilst I go and take a break like everyone else does around here.”

Storming down the cell block she heads outside to cool off, for a walk in the fresh air around the perimeter and maybe take out some walkers with the last of her anger. Her shoulders are tense, fists clenched and she doesn’t even care to look back at the sound of Judith’s cries and Daryl’s silence behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

Daryl had spent most of his life learning how to deal with yelling. It’s just something he’s become accustomed to over the years, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it. Carol has always been so nice to him before, joking with him, making sure he’s eaten and rested and she was nothing but grateful for all he did to try and find Sophia. Today he’d seen a different side to her and though he knew she could be straight with her words, he’d never ever seen her actually yell before.

It was liked something within her had snapped and before he knew it he had his arms full with an almost naked crying baby and a soggy chest from where she’d thrown his wet vest at him. Carol had completely changed in that moment. He could see nothing but fury in her eyes when she’d glared at him and he’d had to turn his gaze away to the floor to avoid it, to forget how much he remembered that exact same look. Her words hurt, biting deep within himself and stirring up all sorts of shit that he pretended he didn’t care about.

The words aren’t really anything new to him. He’s heard all his life about how goddamned useless he is and overtime he’d learnt to ignore the harsh terms, to ignore them and simply move on. But when Carol had said them, someone he trusted, someone he’d thought was a friend, someone he thought he was close to and that they understood each other; well it had hurt all the more. He finds himself holding Judith closer as he takes a step back from Carol, not wanting to be in her way, all instincts pointing to do what he always used to do in this sort of situation, when Carol makes the first move and leaves instead.

It’s awful how relieved he feels for her to be gone. Usually she’s one of the only people he feels comfortable being around, but today had proven how stupid he was to let himself think that. The door swings shut behind her and it’s like he can breathe again, letting out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and rubbing at Judith’s back. It’s not her fault he upset Carol enough to yell and in turn making the baby cry, he just hadn’t known what a problem he was being to everyone around here. He tries rocking her a little, bouncing her in his arms and pacing back and forth across the room.

Maybe he should try to fix things right now by getting the laundry done or something, sure he had a basic grasp of what order to do things and it couldn’t be hard really could it? Not that he didn’t think Carol worked hard or anything, he just thought he could figure it out if he tried hard enough. Judith continues howling in his arms, her tiny fists flailing and hitting at his cheek and he’s really not sure what to do with her when she’s like this.

“What’s going on? Is everything all right? I saw Carol leave and heard the baby-“ Before she can even finish Daryl’s handed Judith over to Beth, grumbling out some sort of reassurance before making his way back to his cell, ignoring the gawking look of that kid that’s been following him round a lot. He can’t deal with people right now.

Beth would be fine with Lil Asskicker, she’s got that whole instinct thing when it comes to babies and he knew she helped Carol with the laundry most days so he was certain she could fix things in there. Right now he couldn’t really focus anyway, Judith’s crying in the distance just kept reminding him of what he’s caused and burning hotter in his chest.

Reaching his cell Daryl finds himself pausing for a moment, half a step in the door and feeling uncertain of what exactly to do with himself when he’d feeling like this. He certainly didn’t want to be around people for the moment, and the first place they’d look if they needed him was his cell. Being on watch usually meant someone would find you, and he really didn’t feel like heading out to the tombs and having a rescue party sent after him because someone panicked. Grabbing his bow from where he’d left it after the hunt, he slings it over his shoulder, always feeling the need to be armed even if they had secured the place.

It doesn’t take long for his keen eye to find somewhere quiet to go, somewhere that would be hard for others to reach if they wanted him and he could just pretend not to hear them. Besides, he’d always like climbing when he was younger, Merle had used to compare him to a cat, always finding him hiding up somewhere high when he lost him.

Hauling himself up the crumbling rubble at the edge of their secured area, he’s careful with his footholds, making sure he’s secure before taking the next step, scaling the broken parts of the wall, using the spikes of metal from the ripped up foundations to help himself get to the lonely ledge he’d claimed for his own. It had probably been a office of sorts at one time, but right now it was open to the rest of the world, only two and a half walls remained and a corner of roof between them, rubble surrounding the area made it hard to see inside unless you were on the same level and right now he’d say he was at least on the second or third floor.

There was no way anyone was going to be able to find him here unless he allowed them to.

Sitting on the ground he places his bow beside him, leaning back against the wall to sit in the shade of the overhanging roof for some respite from the overbearing sun. In the distance he can hear the kids they’d brought in laughing, chasing each other around the yard and playing happily. He’s sure everyone else is busy doing chores, keeping the place running whilst he took a few moments to mope like some pansy. Though right now he didn’t much care, he knew what they thought of him now after all.

It’s not that he hadn’t heard this all before, he’d just begun to think it was different now that’s all. When he’d been younger things had been tough when it came to people, it was sometimes as if something inside himself just didn’t feel comfortable around anyone but Merle. Everyone in town knew he was a Dixon and they knew he was bad news, so anytime he even thought about trying to talk to someone there had already been assumptions made. Merle’s reputation hadn’t exactly helped out, it felt like everyone was just waiting for him to do the same, to be a bully and a thug just like his big brother. School had been the worst, he tried to understand it all but it just wouldn’t stick and then came the name calling; ‘dumbass Dixon’ had been their favourite. After that he hadn’t wanted to get to know any of the kids his age and besides he had Merle so it wasn’t as if he was lonely or anything.

Of course things weren’t much easier with the adults. They’d spent so long already deciding that he was a waste of space that they always ignored him, tugging their own children back, giving him dirty looks and shooing him away from their street. He’d hated every second of it, so it had been easier to just stay home.

Not that home was any better. He remembers being little and asking Mom questions, just silly kids stuff like ‘why is the sky blue?’ and the like. She’d looked at him so coldly, flicking the ash of her cigarette towards him and telling him how no one liked noisy little kids. Daryl swears he can remember a time when she cared, when she’d stroke his hair and hold him close, call him her baby and tuck him in for bed with a kiss to the forehead. But all he can see when he thinks of her is the blank look of a tired woman, puffing on a cigarette and swilling back more wine to just get through the day. Mom had started ignoring him around then, same as she started ignoring everything else too, so he’d learned to just leave her alone.

There was no point even thinking about his dad. That no good asshole had made it clear from the second he was born exactly what he thought of his youngest son. Punches were emphasised with spiteful words, being called pathetic for crying, a wimp for trying to run away and useless for not understanding why he was being punished. He knew he wasn’t smart, all the kids and teachers at school had told him so, but having his dad constantly berate him for it every day just made him accept it easier. It didn’t seem to matter how hard he tried, he could never please the man. He tried doing mom’s chores for her when she stopped doing them, tried to help as much as he could, but he never did a good enough job and would receive a spanking and some more criticism.

So in the end he’d simply stopped trying. He spent a lot of time out of the way, trying to be small and unnoticed, learning to skirt around the edges of rooms and keep his head titled down to avoid eye contact. When Merle taught him how to be quiet during the hunt, he used the knowledge to be quiet all the time, to be ignored by everyone around him and get somewhere safe. The hits had become less when he learned that, and soon enough he’d learned that if his dad didn’t notice him then things were better between them.

Sure there had still been bruises from being grabbed too tightly round the arms, but it happened less and less because he learned how to behave properly. Keeping quiet worked better, avoiding eye contact worked even more and before long the teachers at school stopped giving him the side eye because there weren’t as many bruises to show. It had taken him a while to work out because he knew he wasn’t smart, but his small steps had worked out the better for him.

Picking at his shoe Daryl remembers how it had gone on as he’d gotten older. When he’d begun to hang around with Merle and his group and been introduced. His brother had clapped him on the shoulder, mentioned his name and left it at that, leaving him to do as he always did and loiter quietly on the outskirts. He didn’t mind, not really, it was better this way. Sometimes he’d think about opening his mouth, maybe joining in a conversation or something, but every time he tried he’d manage to make a complete idiot of himself. It didn’t help that Merle would continue teasing him in front of them all, calling him baby Darylina and letting them join in the laughter when he ended up in a headlock for trying to fight back.

No, people just weren’t his thing. They just didn’t make sense to him at all so he’d learned how to live around them without being a hassle. Even Merle hadn’t been immune to seeing him for what he was. There had been pushes and punches, telling him to stay home when he’d wanted to follow Merle somewhere and promises of breaking his legs if he tried to catch up. Some days Merle had been nice enough, taught him how to hunt, let him have some of his cigarettes and drink when he was a teen. But then there were times when he’d been yelling, drunk, high or both and screaming right in his face to try and get a response.

Daryl remembers those words the most, how the person who claimed to be the only one to ever care about him had said those things. “You’re useless you hear me? Ain’t nothing but a pain in my hide and after I practically fucking raised you. Didn’t ask for this you know? I didn’t want no stinking brother to look after, as if I ain’t got better things to do. You’re too fucking stupid to go make friends of your own, too annoying to be friends with mine and too fucking pathetic to manage one day without Merle looking after your ass. Well I’m sick of it. I’m sick of you and I’m sick of having to deal with your fuck ups.”

Coming from Merle it had felt different than from anyone else. It had hurt harder than before and sent him wandering off by himself to get away from his brother. He knew it wasn’t Merle’s fault, it was true that he hadn’t asked for any of this. If Merle had had his way then he wouldn’t have an asshole for a father, a mother who’d died of her own addictions and a little brother who couldn’t seem to do anything right. Really he was just a problem to everyone.

Things had been rough when Merle went to prison, leaving him to flinch against their father and try to find a way of getting money from people that hated him on sight. Hunting had done well enough and there wasn’t much conversations to be had when most of the time he was out on his own in the woods. His dad still saw it as good sport to make him flinch, to fire at the tv when he was sleeping and laugh as he’d jolt awake for fear of his life. Whenever he had one of his girlfriends over he’d make sure to tell her to ignore him, that he was nothing but a damned waste of space anyway and he had better things to occupy her. Everyday Daryl had suffered in the only way he knew how, by keeping quiet, eyes down and trying his best to keep the bills paid.

He spent far too many nights wondering if Merle was enjoying prison, if only because he didn’t have to deal with his fuck ups.

Chewing on his thumbnail he almost hears Merle scolding him for it from beyond the grave, his brother had always tried to get him to stop the habit ever since it evolved from him thumb sucking when he was younger. It wasn’t like he could help it though, it just happened sometimes, especially when he was uneasy or stressed. Nowadays he just let it happen, not ashamed in finding comfort in such a small thing when everything was fucked up now anyway.

When everything had got fucked up, he’d been too ashamed to admit he liked the world better with less people in it. In a world where jobs and status meant nothing anymore, people stopped looking at him with quite so much venom. Sure there was some, but he and Merle came as a package and there weren’t many people in the world that couldn’t tell Merle was trouble just by looking at him. In general though things had been easier to deal with after there were less people to try and handle.

Things had evolved over time and after Merle had gone for a while he found it slowly getting easier and easier to cope with these people. Rick had started asking him for advice, wanted to learn about hunting and even bringing him things from the supply runs. And Carol, even if it had been difficult to take at the time, he knew how much she appreciated his hunting for her little girl. These people had become family and he’d let his guard down, pretending that he was one of them and that he was accepted just for being him. Now he knew it was all a ruse, a cover to keep him happy whilst he hunted for them. Heck they probably felt sorry for him, especially now Merle was dead and gone and he had no one, most likely they thought him too pathetic to kick out and besides these people always felt guilty if they didn’t follow their morals.

Kicking at the dirt and rubble around him, he wonders exactly how long it will be until Carol convinces them all to get rid of him. He’d made her so mad, and all because he’d just been letting himself get comfortable and not helping out as much as he should. Merle had always said he was an annoying little fuck and clearly that had been showing more lately, he’d just have to fix it, show how useful he could be and how he wouldn’t annoy her anymore.

Around him he can hear the residents of their prison beginning to move, the lunchtime switch in chores and the kids running in for food to enjoy. Really he knows he should be going to help, but right now that many people is too much to handle and every one in their original group is enjoying being around everyone else too for him to see them alone. They’re all so social, chatting about everything and nothing, talking about their lives before as if they had any meaning now. Since the Woodbury people had joined them it’s been harder and harder to be around those he felt comfortable with, but now he knew that he was just being too clingy again.

Slipping the strap of his crossbow back over his shoulder he begins carefully making his way down the wall, sliding down the last foot of rubble to the ground before making his way to the small hole in the fence. No point going out the main entrance and bothering others to close the gate after himself, not when he could just sneak out one of their little boltholes quietly. No one notices as he makes his way out, and he’s grateful for that, he’s not sure he could answer any questions right now. His shirt was still spattered with the blood from his hunt earlier this morning, but he doesn’t care, right now all he wants to do is prove himself and the only way to do that with this many mouths to feed was to provide more food. Slacking off could wait, Carol needed him to work harder to take the weight off her shoulders and prove himself, so that’s what he would do.


	3. Chapter 3

The hunt had been somewhat soothing for Daryl, he found going through the motions relaxing, and being able to focus on something he found enjoyable and easy had taken his mind off everything. The forest didn’t judge him, it never had and never would. Even as a kid when other kids his age had been scared of being lost in the woods, he’d enjoyed being out there with no one else around. Well when he’d known where he was at least, those days he’d been lost had been daunting, but he was still here to tell the tale. Nature didn’t give a shit that he was stupid, or that he was useless around people and stuttered when he got unsure of himself.

The woods never cared that his mom ignored him, that his dad hated him and that Merle even had days of wanting to get rid of him. When he was hunting there was nothing that could hold him back or stop him, it was something he was good at and no matter how dumb he was, or how little anyone else liked him, it had no effect on his skills. He could kill and track easily, coming back with plenty of game to provide for everyone, and when it came down to it nowadays, food was one of the main things they all needed. It was all very well surviving off of tinned food, but he was the only one really good enough to bring in fresh meat for them all.

He’d worked extra hard to find them more today, to make up for his failures before and prove himself to Carol. Maybe he had put too much pressure on her when it came to preparing food and everything, so he’d just have to step up his game and show her he was sorry. Carrying the brace of rabbits back to the prison he’s careful of where he’d laid his snares, making more of them and setting them to be checked daily, clear enough for anyone else to avoid, but for the animals to remain oblivious to them. He’d been stupid not to set more up earlier, he’d been arrogant to think that he’d always be around to provide food for them all, really he should have been planning for the future and giving them enough snares to keep the game coming in.

Arriving back at the prison he’s careful to avoid bringing in more of the dead, sneaking back in through the hole in the wire and stabbing any walkers that gnash at him through the fence for the rabbit blood. The kids are still playing in the yard, dashing back and forth in a game of tag between them all. One of the boys darts in his direction, aiming to tag him but a dead rabbit shaken in his direction makes him scream and run back to his friends. He didn’t have time to play right now, he needed to get everyone’s dinner ready as much as he could.

Skinning the rabbits it something easy, others would be grossed out by it all, but ripping off their fur and revealing the meat beneath is easy enough. Setting aside their pelts he wonders if maybe he could make a blanket or something out of them for the winter, Lil Asskicker would be needing something to line her crib and fur was always good for that. His knife is good for stripping the meat off the bone, tossing everything good to eat in a pot and going through the catch until he’s certain he hasn’t missed anything. Sure maybe some of the others wouldn’t appreciate the rabbit organs inside of their stew, but right now you couldn’t be too picky and besides meat was meat.

He’d done his best after all, and this was more meat than he’d brought back in a long while, so there couldn’t be too many complaints. Lugging the pot back inside he pauses in the doorway when he finds Carol working at their makeshift kitchen. Should he say something? No that probably wasn’t the best idea, after all Merle had always preferred him when he was quiet and his dad definitely preferred him to be seen and not heard. Chewing on his lower lip he takes a step forward, lowering his eyes to the ground when she turns to look at him.

“Oh, hey.” She’s nowhere near as cheerful as she usually is when she greets him, and he supposes he can completely understand that. Carol doesn’t seem to want to spend more of her attention on him for the moment and instead is washing some of their hard grown vegetables as well as she can. “I’m just trying to make sure we’ve got enough food to ration out for everyone, it’s been tougher since there’s so many of us.”

Dropping the pot onto the counter next to her he nods to it, hoping she’ll understand that he’s not trying to show her up, but just trying to help out. Carol immediately begins poking through the pot, smiling at the already chopped up meat ready to be cooked and looking to him, probably for an explanation. He shrugs, tapping at the side of the pot before turning to head back out, not willing to be near her until he can prove himself more. Providing food was one thing, but he needed to do more than that. Besides she had a way about her when she looked at him.

It was as if she was so understanding she could almost read his thoughts. Yes he knew that was crazy, but Carol just had a way of seeming to understand him better than anyone else. If he was being brash she always seemed to know the reason and she never blamed him, she’d understand if he didn’t want to speak at all or if he needed to be alone. It’s why it had hurt so much knowing that he didn’t nothing but annoy her. She’d probably gotten so sick of trying to work out his abnormal behaviour that she’d just decided to tell him how she really felt. He flinches when she calls after him and walks a bit faster to get away.

He would have stayed to help make the stew if it had been anyone else but her there, but right now she makes him feel on edge. It’s as if his skin itches when she looks to him and he just can’t look at her without remembering all the words she’d said before. He was stupid to have not seen it sooner really, after so many years he’d have thought he’d have known not to get too close. Besides he’d done the job he knew she hated the most, skinning the animals and finding the meat they needed, all she’d have to do would be to add water and let it cook with the veg into a make do stew.

But he can’t be around her anyway, she’d want to talk and stuff, explain herself or maybe even apologise for something she had no reason to apologise for. He was the one at fault and now he had to make it up to her as much as he could.

The cellblock is getting a bit too crowded for his liking, new people milling in and out at will, chatting and causing a steady level of noise that he hasn’t had to deal with in so long it’s uncomfortable. He knew they stared at him all the time, watching Merle’s younger brother and comparing him to how he had used to be. Daryl is sure they still bay for his blood sometimes, that no matter how many rabbits he brings in, he’ll always be the terrorist to blame for the downfall of their safe haven. Still he doesn’t want to try and fix it, so he keeps his head down, watches the floor and does what he needs to do.

Judith’s crib is awkward to move by himself but he’s not going to ask for help, not from these people. He’s already enough of a burden to them all anyway, they’d probably roll their eyes and whisper behind his back all the more. He shifts it from Carol’s cell and out onto his perch, moving it to be close to the wall and then bringing the baby supplies up to be close by. Carol had been taking responsibility of the baby for far too long, it wasn’t even her child and they all just expected her to do the dirty work because she was the only one of the original group who had been a mother. It wasn’t fair and Daryl cannot believe how long it took him to see that.

Sure he’s not exactly a natural with babies, but Lil Asskicker seemed to be quite forgiving when he made mistakes such as putting on her diaper backwards or burping her too hard. He figures she wouldn’t remember it anyway and it never seemed to do any permanent damage, least Hershel seemed to find it amusing when he panicked over helping her the wrong way. It turned out babies were quite durable and well she was Lil Asskicker for a reason, girl was tough, she could cope with him getting a few things wrong.

Rick would probably question why Judith had been moved to sleep on the perch with him, but really when the girl’s own father didn’t take the crib into his cell then he couldn’t exactly complain. Carol needed a break from late night feeds and fussy babies, so he’d take on the challenge for the next few weeks to help her out. Maybe he had hidden baby-rearing talents that he’d never known about that would come to light, if he was lucky.

It wasn’t that he ever minded helping out with the baby, it just seemed that no one ever asked him to help before. Beth and Carol seemed to take the brunt of the work when the others were busy defending the place or on watch, and he was usually too busy hunting or going on runs to be of much use. Still, he figured now was the chance to fix all that, to show them all he was a man of many talents that didn’t mind helping out anywhere and anyhow to be useful. It didn’t hurt that Judith didn’t talk either, she couldn’t judge if she couldn’t talk.

Spending the next few hours walking the perimeter he checks the fence at least five times over, double knotting some of the fixed sections and stabbing a few walkers that had gotten too annoying. It’s nice out here alone, away from the other people’s staring eyes and accusing looks. He knows he’s different from a lot of them, never had a nice house before all of this or a real job or purpose in life. They all seemed to be hoping for a return to normalcy, where he found himself better dealing with the world as it was now. They were just too different from him and making it work was becoming harder and harder now there were more of them here.

The Woodbury women gave him looks for not seeing bathing as a priority, he knew they wondered why he preferred a more basic weapon in his bow than a gun and damn he could just hear the words of disgust when he’d come back covered in animals blood from a hunt. They didn’t understand the thrill of the chase or the swell of pride in the success of a meal won by yourself. Most of those idiots would have moved away from him in a bar, sat elsewhere and scoffed at the dirty redneck. Now look at them, most of them too useless to wield a weapon and looking to him for safety.

It used to make Merle angry, but really he just accepted it all and knew where it was coming from. He didn’t fit anywhere, and he’d just accepted that and moved on. Merle always needed to make a point though, to prove that he was something, he was tough and aggressive, angry with the world and everyone in it who hated people like them. As far as Daryl had seen Merle had just made people hate them more and made him want to hang his head lower to hide from them all.

Stabbing a walker in the eye he can hear the dinner bell ring in the distance, time for the mass feeding of the mob. It was possibly his least favourite part of the day, when everyone was all together, mingling. What made it worse was that those he did feel comfortable around were merging with the Woodbury group, sitting at tables full of them all and laughing, talking about the past and memories he never had a chance of relating to. He felt alone whilst in a crowd, just as he had his whole life and if that didn’t ruin his appetite then nothing would.

But then if he didn’t show up they’d start asking questions, especially that kid that liked Beth. They’d find him, there were only so many places to hide, and then there would be questions and poking and prodding and wanting to know things he didn’t feel comfortable revealing but didn’t know how to turn down politely. It was all one big hassle and too much to deal with right now. Still he trudged towards the buildings, hoping against hope to find some sort of way out of it all.

Daryl doesn’t join the queue of hungry residents, instead he waits just around the corner, waiting for it all to die down. When everyone was invested in their food and dinner conversations, he could sneak in and grab a bowlful before heading off to eat in peace somewhere. The noise was already starting to get to him, bubbling up as everyone enjoyed themselves, gathering together and interacting in ways that never really made sense to him.

“You planning on getting something to eat?”

He startles at the sudden voice next to him, Rick giving him that easy smile that didn’t judge and bouncing Judith in his arms. Immediately he moves his head down to study the floor, scuffing his foot against the tarmac and moving a hand up to chew on his nail. Shrugging his shoulders he knows Rick is trying to read him, use that cop instinct shit to try and pry inside his mind and find out what’s bothering him today. Because the cop seemed to always know when something was bothering him.

Usually he finds it easy to deal with Rick, he’s not so accusing nowadays and has a voice that doesn’t ever sound harsh if he doesn’t want it to. Today though it’s intimidating, and he can feel himself squirm under the other man’s gaze as he desperately wants t be anywhere else but here. He would say he’s not hungry, but everyone’s hungry nowadays and it’s not worth lying to Rick when he doesn’t need to, but he’s not sure exactly how to explain how the thought of sitting over there and eating in front of everyone makes his stomach tie up in knots. Especially when Carol is the one dishing it all up and checking they’ve all had their share like a concerned parent.

Judith fusses and Daryl is grateful the attention is taken off of him for a moment when she won’t settle down calmly. Rick looks tired and the sighs he makes when trying to calm his daughter down is one of quiet frustration. Not bothering to ask, Daryl takes Judith from him, bouncing her up and down and little before turning to head for their watch tower. “Take a break.” He calls back over his shoulder, disappearing up the stairs before Rick can stop him and not take the moment to enjoy a meal with everyone.

The tower is nice and quiet for the two of them, letting him see everything around the fences and hear anything different. Lil Asskicker has no reason to fuss, she’s not wet, she’s been fed and taken a nap, but it gives Daryl something to focus on for the moment. They sit in the tower together, Judith crawling about, shuffling on her rear and playing with the toy she’d had with her when Daryl had taken her. He may not be great with kids, but this was easy enough, don’t make her cry and don’t let her get hurt. Besides she seems happy enough babbling to him, chewing on his fingers and laughing whilst trying to catch his tongue when he pokes it out.

It’s not long before he’s feeling a little better up here, being away from everyone and their accusing gazes. He knows there’s some people down there whispering behind their hands about him being alone with the baby, but screw them, he could look after her just fine. Plus with him being up here out the way with her, it meant no one else had to worry about her whilst trying to eat their dinner one handed. Somehow he’d managed to help out and be out of everyone’s way at the same time, meaning a reprieve from the two most needy members for everyone else and a chance for him to prove he could be useful. It wasn’t perfect, not at all, but it was a start in the right direction.


	4. Chapter 4

Rick had to admit that it was a bit of a relief when Daryl had taken Judith with him to go on watch. He loves his daughter with all his heart, but sometimes looking into her eyes and seeing Lori looking back at him is heartbreaking. She’s growing more and more everyday, getting stronger, crawling about and investigating anything she can get her hands on with the same curiosity that Carl had had at that age. Still, she was hard work and he was glad for a short break and to be able to eat his meal in peace without her fussing like she normally would when she couldn’t join in.

Striding over to where Carol is spooning up her own bowl now everyone else was served, he helps himself to a bowl of stew and makes sure to leave one set aside and covered for Daryl. “Everyone all right?” He asks Carol, offering a small smile in gratitude of all her hard work caring for everyone.

“Everyone’s fed.” She nods, passing him a spoon before covering the rest of the pot, knowing it would be gone as soon as everyone picked for seconds. “Well almost everyone.” She glances behind Rick, looking for their missing member and giving a small shake of the head as if Daryl were nothing more than a misbehaved child.

“He’s on watch with Judith.” Rick explains, nodding towards the bowl and knowing it was set far aside enough to be left. “I put a bowl aside for him for later, but he doesn’t seem to be hungry right now.”

“Yeah right, I don’t think anyone remembers what it feels like not to be hungry.” Carol scoffs.

Rick nods, completely understanding what she means as they sit together on the end of one of the benches. They offer their greetings to the Woodbury folks that are near them, noting Glenn and Maggie half in each other’s lap as they ate their meals. “I’ll make sure he gets his share later.” He reassures her, knowing she doesn’t want a repeat of the winter when Daryl had given up his rations to others.

“Good, its thanks to him we’ve got such a decent meal today. He found more rabbits than I’ve seen in a while, skinned and sorted them for us too.” She takes a bite of the stew for emphasis. “It’s hard work with so many more people to care for, making sure there’s enough and that no one gets forgotten is tough.” Carol watches him, and Rick can hear the words between the lines.

“I think they’ve settled in now, they can start pulling their own weight with the chores.” He takes a bite of stew, glad that there’s actually enough meat to go around this time. He gives his suggestion, glad to find some of the Woodbury people closest to him nod in agreement. “We’ll set a schedule and make sure it’s even. I’ve been so caught up in trying to get the animals settled, looking out for any enemies and clearing out more walkers, I forgot about the more tedious of chores. I’m sorry Carol, it shouldn’t have fallen onto you to do it all.” He apologises, knowing he’s at fault for not noticing.

“Well I know you’re always busy doing other things, but it would be nice to have some help.” Carol says, shrugging to herself as if it wasn’t a big deal, but he can see the tension in her shoulders and the way she looks so hopeful. “It’s not as exciting as other things, but it’s a necessity.”

“I know. We’ll fix it.” Rick agrees.

He’s not the leader anymore, this isn’t him as the king and everyone as his subjects, they’re a team now, a community with a council that make the choices for everyone. It’s safer that way, fairer and so far it’s working, but clearly they’ve got more work ahead of them. Still, it did take time to work out the kinks and they were all still learning how to get everything working.

“Did he seem okay to you?” Carol asks, catching Rick off guard with the question. When he turns to look to her she shrugs, picking at her food slowly as she explains. “When he bought me the rabbits earlier he seemed a little off.”

“Since when is Daryl not off?” Maggie chuckles, joining the conversation with a smile. She may not have known Daryl as long as they had, but then he didn’t know Daryl as long as Carol and Glenn had. Still after that first winter they all knew each other pretty well, but Daryl Dixon was definitely different from most.

“More off than usual.” Carol reiterates, acknowledging that compared to most Daryl was certainly an oddball. “And he’s usually off with other people, not me.” Rick can understand that, though he and Daryl have gotten closer, Carol and Daryl had a connection; one brought on by Sophia’s disappearance and only grew stronger after her death.

“He was quiet.” Rick admits with a shrug.

“He’s always quiet.” Maggie adds. Rick can see that she’s getting more relaxed, learning to live with this more quiet and safe life, it’s clear in her eyes. He wishes he found it as easy as her to believe it’s permanent.

“Noticeably quiet then.” He adds. “I don’t know, does he seem more stressed to anyone? He worked his ass off today, I haven’t seen him working on Merle’s bike and usually he’s out there everyday checking on it.”

“Guys I think that’s the problem.”

“What do you mean Glenn?”

“Merle.” When no one seems to understand where he’s coming from, Glenn continues with a sigh, talking with his hands like he always does. “None of us liked the guy, he was a jerk that beat the crap out of me and didn’t stop the Governor when he tried to hurt Maggie. We all hated having him here, and he was dangerous, racist, sexist and a complete and utter asshole. But he was still Daryl’s brother.”

Rick can see where he’s going with this, feeling the ache in his chest at the losses he’s suffered from. Though he misses Lori in his soul, this was more like Shane’s absence. He had been a threat, dangerous and out of his mind in this new world, but even though he was defending himself, he’d still lost his best friend that night. Nodding in understanding Rick gives a small sigh as everything falls into place. “And now he’s gone.”

“Exactly.” Glenn nods, sombre for a moment before continuing. “Listen we’ve all lost people and we all grieve in our own way. I think Daryl is just grieving for his brother, but he knows how we all felt about Merle and doesn’t want to try and explain himself. He probably thinks we’ll question him or something, and Daryl is not the type to want to talk about his feelings.”

“This is really the first time he’s had a chance to grieve. And when we lost Sophia, he really didn’t seem to know how to handle it, he was just angry and distanced himself.” Rick is surprised to hear Carol talk about Sophia; it’s a sign of how far she’s come and how strong she has gotten.

“We should just give him time, but make sure he doesn’t feel ostracised.” Maggie says, and Rick agrees it’s a good idea. “I know Daryl isn’t exactly a social butterfly, but we’ll just keep an eye on him. Make sure he knows we’re all here for him if he needs us.” They all nod, finding the solution to be easily workable and Rick hopes it won’t be too pushy for Daryl either. The man was very solitary and though he’s made great progress, he’s still Daryl.

Carl comes over, wiping at his mouth and laughing at some kind of joke one of the other boys had told him. Rick knows he’s happier now, surrounded by life and those his age has been a huge help to get him to focus and not lose himself. “Hey dad where’s Judith? She needs her bath and then a nap.”

“Daryl’s got her in the watchtower. You can go get her and send him down, tell him I saved him some dinner.” Rick knows his son and he knows Daryl sometimes finds it easier to talk to the kid than any of them. If he truly was grieving, then he would feel more comfortable around Carl. His son had told him about Daryl’s mother, how the other man had been there for Carl when he’d needed someone to help comfort him through his own grieving. Sure Daryl hadn’t been perfect at it, but Carl had appreciated knowing that someone else had been through the same as him and survived.

In turn Rick had appreciated it too, and though he wouldn’t tell Daryl he knew, since the man had always been so private about his own life, he’d thanked him for everything he’d done for his children whilst he himself was grieving for Lori. Watching Carl head off to the tower to fetch Judith, he is grateful for everything Daryl has done for all of them, keeping them safe and fed. He’s grateful for everyone in the original group, for keeping them all together and finding their places. It’s a family and it’s one they’ve all made for themselves.

The conversation continues, changing to the chores and who was next on watch. Some of the Woodbury newcomers offer their services, pleased to be able to help, some of the women even shoo off Carol and refuse to let her clean up when she’d made the dinner. It was such a relaxed atmosphere that when Carl came jogging over with Judith in his arms and calling out for him, Rick’s immediately on edge looking for danger. Getting to his feet with Glenn, Maggie and Carol following, his hand goes to his hip, finding his holster and glancing around the grounds.

“Dad! You have to stop him!”

“Carl what’s happened?”

“I got Judith, told Daryl to come and get dinner, and when we were walking down stairs I mentioned that we were thinking of going on a run for more supplies tomorrow and Daryl said he’d go now. I told him to stop, but he wouldn’t listen, he’s gone to get Merle’s bike and wants to head out on his own, you have to stop him dad!”

Carl continues holding Judith, not wanting to run with her and risk jostling her too much. Rick points for him to stay there, not needing words to get through to Carl as he and the others run to find and stop Daryl. He’s worried, it’s getting late, the sun is going down and it’ll be dark before they know it and no one is allowed out after dark. Daryl may be able to protect himself well enough, but there’s no need to add more risk to their lives when it’s not needed. The supplies are not desperately needed; they can easily wait until tomorrow, so why in God’s name did Daryl want to head out now?

Rounding the corner to where they kept the vehicles, he sees Daryl already straddling the bike, checking over the last few things before he starts it up. “Hey!” He calls out, moving to stand in front of the bike, to stop Daryl from even rolling it an inch when he grabs the handlebars to keep it still. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Daryl looks cornered, even more so when Glenn, Maggie and Carol join Rick in standing around the bike. He’s quiet, moving to glance down at the bike, reaching up to chew on his thumb in a habit that Rick knows to be a sign of him being uncomfortable. Rick is good at reading people, being a cop only made him better at it and though he can clearly see that Daryl would rather be anywhere else but here, he’s not giving him a chance to run and hide.

“What’s got to be done.” Daryl finally murmurs, his voice quiet and muffled by his thumb but Rick hears and gives a sigh. He doesn’t want to be the bad guy all the time, but right now he can’t risk anyone’s safety because he didn’t want to say no.

“On your own? At night? Without the say so of the council?” He doesn’t mean to sound condescending, but he knows he’s using the same voice he uses on Carl to get him to listen. Daryl even looks like a reprimanded child, scuffing his foot in the dirt and gnawing on his thumb with a shrug before replying.

“We need more stuff.”

“We’re a team Daryl, we do things together and make choices together.” Glenn points out, stepping forward and not seeming to notice how Daryl shifts to keep him in his line of sight. “Any work to be done is done equally between us. You are not going out there on your own tonight.”

“We never go on runs by ourselves, you know the rules.” Maggie adds, holding onto Glenn’s arm and watching Daryl with a gentle smile, as if she was trying to let him know he was not alone and she understood his actions. Rick knows she’s trying to help but he can see the way the tension rises in Daryl’s shoulders when he feels she’s being sympathetic.

When he speaks again Daryl is petulant, trying to fight his corner one last time to get his own way. “Sometimes you got to break the rules to get stuff done.”

Raising his voice Rick puts his foot down, wanting to keep the tone steady but knowing Daryl can hear how stern he is by the level of his voice. “But we don’t rely on just one person to do all the work.” He emphasises each word, wanting to make sure Daryl knew they were a team, that he didn’t have to do this alone and gets a huff for his efforts.

Daryl snorts, his eyes glancing over to Carol before he dismounts the bike, setting up the stand and grabbing his spare arrows from the saddlebags. “Sure. Whatever.” Rick can’t catch his gaze, Daryl keeps avoiding him, swinging around his crossbow, checking it over and keeping himself occupied before heading for the fence. “I’m gonna go sweep the perimeter.”

“Daryl?” He calls out when the other man storms off, hoping he won’t disobey and go out anyway when he was alone. When Carol reaches out to place a hand on his arm he gives a sigh, turning back to face her. “Well that went well.” Now Daryl probably feels worse than before, desperate to get away from them so he could grieve alone. They set the rules for everyone’s safety but he knows Daryl had wanted to get away from them all and be alone to sort through his emotions away from prying eyes.

“Rick.” Carol’s voice is steady, full of quiet strength and understanding at his annoyance. “Why don’t you go and make sure everyone is all right? Maggie and Glenn can go on first watch, you can help Carl get Judith settled, and I’ll talk to him.”

He nods, knowing well that Daryl was more likely to speak to Carol about anything bothering him over anyone else. Still he can’t help but worry, having taken notice of the other man’s odd behaviour when they tried to speak to him. Something was bothering Daryl and it felt far bigger than Merle’s death. “You need anything-“

“And I’ll come get you.” Carol reassures him, rubbing her hand up and down his arm gently before moving to follow Daryl, a hand on her knife just in case. “Don’t worry, I’ve dealt with worse than Daryl Dixon. We’ll be fine.” She nods, and as she goes to catch up with the clearly unsettled archer, Rick hopes she can solve this problem sooner rather than later. The last rays of the sun stretch over his back as he turns to head back inside, Glenn and Maggie heading to the watchtower to keep an eye on things. Rick finds himself hoping he’s done the right thing in putting his trust in Carol to find out Daryl’s problem.


	5. Chapter 5

Walking away from the others Daryl can feel the anger and upset running through him, from his clenched fists to the heavy placement of his feet it seems his body is trying to flush it out unsuccessfully. He hears Rick call out to him but doesn’t turn around, not wanting to be faced with that look of disappointment, the knowledge that he’d let them down again. Rick knew he was fine on his own, heck sometimes when he was tracking a deer he’d be out for days at a time, he’d never had a problem before now with it. So what? Now it’s a little dark he’s got to stay behind and not go on a run for supplies?

No, he knew the real reason and it fucking hurt more than he wanted to admit.

He wasn’t good enough to go on a run by himself. Rick didn’t trust him out there and didn’t think he could pull his weight enough. Clutching his fist around an arrow he violently shoves it through the fence, straight into the eye of a walker and yanking it back when the thing falls with a hollow gurgle. It doesn’t really help, but it gives him something useful to do whilst he calms down.

The group behind the fence gnash their teeth at him, growling and snarling, fingers wriggling through gaps to reach for him hopelessly. Breathing heavily through his nose he swings his bow onto his back, takes up his knife with his free hand and begins taking them out one by one. Moving down the fence with each kill to get the next in line, feeling skulls crumble beneath his blade and arrow until walkers were piling up on the ground outside. Maybe he wasn’t allowed to leave, but he could try his damned hardest to help as much as he could from around here.

“Feel better?”

Spinning on his heel he finds Carol watching him with her arms folded across her chest and a tiny tight smile on her face in the evening light. He hates when she watches him with that look, a look of sympathy and understanding, as if she knew him at all. Turning back to the fence he stabs another, catching it beneath the chin and jerking the bolt upwards and penetrating its decaying brain.

“I know you’re angry and that’s fine.” She continues even when he doesn’t turn to face her but instead keeps jabbing at walkers with venom. Carol just speaks a little louder to be heard over the noise. “But Rick is right, you don’t need to go on a run in the dark when we can just wait until daylight tomorrow.”

Scraping some flesh from his knife onto the fence he gives a loose shrug in reply. “Whatever.”

Carol doesn’t seem to understand that he didn’t want to talk right now, he was angry and fucking pissed that he was for all intents and purposes, grounded. She takes a step closer to him, trying to get into his field of vision and failing, it’s only when she speaks he knows why she wants his full attention. “It’ll be safer for you, for us. We don’t want to lose anyone we don’t have to, we all know how hard it is to lose family.”

Daryl lowers his head at that, resting against the fence and hooking his fingers through the chain link, pressing his forehead against the cool metal and not caring when his hair snags in it a little. Sophia. Carol was talking to him about Sophia again and the bubble of guilt that he could usually keep settled somewhere deep inside of himself bursts, leaving him replaying everything he did wrong when searching for her. He remembers seeing her come out of that barn, stumbling and growling, so small and grey, she hadn’t deserved to die. Carol had crumpled in his arms, howling, screaming for her daughter and he had to hold her back, trying to find the words to apologise for not being good enough to stop this.

If he had just tracked her better, maybe called a bit louder and not been so cautious of attracting walkers, maybe she could have heard him and come running. Or maybe Shane had been right. It hurt to think about, but maybe Sophia had seen a bloody and dirty Daryl Dixon and gone running away from him, more willing to take her chance in the wild with the dead than with someone like him.

“I know it hurts.” Carol continues and he ducks his head lower, wondering how she can read him so well. “It feels as if a part of you is missing and you’ll never feel whole again, as if you don’t know how to carry on and you can’t understand how the world will keep turning without them in it.”

The ground beneath the pile of walkers is all torn up, as if they’d been pacing there like animals waiting for a meal. Back and forth, up and down, crushing the grass and staining it with their scent of decay. Now it was slowly taking up the black coagulated blood that seeped from their wounds, tainted forever because of what he’d done. A small piece of the world was broken because of what he had done and behind him someone he considered a friend was broken because of something he’d failed to do.

“You need to stay here for the moment. Everyone’s worried about you.”

Everyone’s worried about him making another mistake and failing again. That’s why they didn’t want him leaving on his own, because when he’d searched for Sophia alone all he’d brought back was a doll, some false hope and injuries that were a distraction from the search and a drain on their supplies. They didn’t want his pathetic hide out of their sight in case he went and fucked up again, causing more problems, injuring himself and making more work than they already had.

Idly he crouches by the fence, reaching his arrow through to once more stab at a twitching walker, just to make sure and do the job properly. “’m fine.” He mumbles, more to himself than to Carol, because he knows she had no reason to believe anything he said anymore.

“No you’re not. And that’s okay Daryl.” Her soft hand is placed delicately on his shoulder and he can’t help but shrink away from the undeserved touch.

Standing suddenly he finds the guilt mixed with her words too much to handle and tossing the gunk covered bolt to the floor he heads back up the side of the fence towards their cellblock. He couldn’t be around her right now, she was too kind, too gentle and honest for him to be near and having her know just how useless and pathetic he was made something hurt in his head. She was only trying to help, let him know the problems so he could fix it, but since when was he ever any good at fixing anything?

He’s not fine. He’s not good enough and they don’t trust him. Shoving the door to the cell block roughly he hears someone give a squeak of fright when it bounces off the wall and sees one of the young girls scramble away from him. He would apologise but it probably wouldn’t do any good. Stalking past her to get to the perch he ignores when the girl and her sister whisper behind their hands, watching him, most likely having been told to not stay near the dirty, useless redneck if they could help it. It wasn’t like he was any good at protecting little girls.

Climbing up the metal steps he doesn’t care that the drapes across the cells twitch a little at his entrance, or that Maggie peeks out from her and Glenn’s cell with a sad smile. Let them keep an eye on him then, he’d just have to make sure he didn’t fuck anything up. Sitting on his makeshift pile of blankets and various articles of clothing that made up his bed he leans against the crib he’d placed their earlier, letting his head thunk back against the bars.

Trust wasn’t something to be thrown around freely. Trust had to be earned, it needed to be given with care and respected, he knew that once it was broken clawing it back was more difficult than ever. He’d trusted them all, these people were his family now and he’d given them as much trust as he ever could and he’d thought he’d gotten theirs in return. Clearly he’d broken it, probably somewhere between Sophia never being found and him begging for Merle to be allowed to stay with them. They’d lost respect for him and their trust, leaving him on one side of the fence and cast out to try and repair the damage.

He’d thought he’d proven himself to them by working hard, giving all he had to keep them fed and safe, moving on with them to the CDC when he could have stayed in the quarry waiting for Merle to hopefully return. Over time he knew he’d changed for the better, the group had helped him grow out from under Merle’s shadow and become someone worth keeping around. This felt like a huge step backwards and he’d just have to work twice as hard to regain that ground.

Around him the lights are getting switched off, people trading goodnights and sweet dreams, able to lay their heads down with no worries at all. For him the moonlight from the window if enough to see by, eyes adjusted to years of searching for game in the quiet hours of darkness. Hearing footsteps on the stairs up to him he watches as Beth smiles sweetly, ever the darling as she held the sleeping Judith close to her chest, rocking her slightly as she made her way over to him.

Getting to his feet he holds his arms out for the baby, not surprised when she looks at him with question in her eyes. He can’t look at her as he takes Judith from her, letting the squirming baby settle against his chest as he cradles her with one arm. “I got her.” Daryl murmurs, gesturing to the baby supplies he’d moved up here earlier, turning to continue rocking the baby even if she was already asleep.

“I don’t mind having her Daryl. You just need to move the crib back to my cell if you need your space, she can be quite a handful with all the night feeds and changes, it’s a lot of work and I know you’ve had a difficult day-“

“I said I got her!” He snaps, hating that she’d been told of his failure to go out on a run by himself. Maggie had probably taken her sister aside and explained, let her know that Daryl wasn’t competent at anything, that he’d been ignoring his duties and not working hard enough like the rest of them. He knew Carol must have let them know about how he’d made her angry, made her snap and yell so loud he could still hear it ringing in his ears.

Beth takes a half a step back and that bubble of guilt from Sophia grows to add the look on her face to the mix too. “I was just saying. I know how hard it can be.”

She sounds so sincere and honest and he can remember Carol yelling at him from before, calling him lazy, calling him out for leaving all the hard work to other people. Sure he hunted and killed walkers, but he never did the tasks people didn’t want to do. Daryl knew he was different from them all, but he’d never hoped to be even the slightest bit like his father and shouting at Beth for trying to help was everything like he remembered the man to be. Ducking his head he keeps his voice low, the opposite from a shout when he apologises to her. “Didn’t mean to yell. Just…I can do the hard work. Not fair for it to always be you and Carol having to take care of her.”

“If you’re sure.” And just like that she’s smiling again, all pastel colours and blonde hair, a bounce in her step as she climbs back down the stairs to go get some rest.

He’s grateful to be alone with the baby again, Judith was too busy sleeping to care if he was lost at the moment and struggling to find his feet again. Sitting back down in his sleeping area he lets the baby remain pressed against his chest for the moment, sucking on her pacifier without a care in the world. Checking her blankets were tucked around her tight enough he leans there for a while, just holding the baby and letting his thoughts consume him.

It seemed he’d just have to work harder than he had been. Carol had been right in snapping at him, calling him out for doing nothing more productive than hunting and killing, things he was good at and hadn’t struggled to learn. Those things weren’t hard for him, but he knew housework and all the other chores were hard work too and Beth had adapted to caring for a baby, Carl had learnt to care for pigs and Glenn and Maggie had learnt to work as a couple when fighting. It was as if everyone else had had to make such an effort to survive now and be useful, whereas he just stuck to what he knew and didn’t bother lending a hand when needed.

No wonder it had been frustrating for her to keep inside for so long, he’s surprised she hadn’t yelled at him sooner. Especially since the rest of the group were making it pretty clear that they agreed and wanted him to step up. Now it seemed they were so unsure of his abilities in anything other than hunting and fighting, that they didn’t even want him going out on runs, or doing anything himself without someone keeping an eye on him. It was just something he was going to have to work on, to earn his place back in the group and gain their trust again.


	6. Chapter 6

Daryl awakes to the feeling of fingers pressing against his chest, a weight being shifted and it takes a few seconds for him to remember the baby. Someone was trying to take the baby. Immediately he’s clutching Judith closer, his free hand reaching for his knife and ready to protect her with his life.

“Daryl! It’s okay, it’s just me.”

Blinking himself fully awake Daryl recognises Carl immediately and everything falls into place around him. Judith is mewling and squirming against his chest, clearly awake and not willing to wait for him to get his act into gear this morning. He remembers feeding and changing her in the middle of the night after putting her in her crib but he must have fallen asleep the second time, still holding her close and letting her listen to his heartbeat to lull her back to sleep. He feels like an idiot and lets Carl take the baby from him, moving to rub at his eyes and stretch to get the kinks out of his back from sleeping sitting up.

“Good morning.” Carl is grinning down to him, rocking Judith in his arms and watching as Daryl wakes himself up. Daryl grunts in reply, feeling more tired than he had last night and mad at himself for falling asleep with her like that. Carol had done her best to explain everything to him about babies and he knew that she’d warned him about sleeping with the baby like that before, in case he crushed her during the night or suffocated her by accident. The thought made him shudder, but he manages to pass it off as a shiver at the morning air. “Ready for some breakfast? Well brunch really.”

Brunch? Glancing out the barred windows he can see daylight streaming in, how long had he been asleep? “What time ‘s it?” He asks blearily, scrabbling to his feet and grabbing at a semi clean shirt to yank on over his tank top, trying to fish out his boots from his pile of belongings and get himself ready as quickly as possible. “Gotta go on that run.”

He can’t believe he fucking overslept, how pathetic. Christ Rick was going to be pissed, that meant less daylight and more chance for other people to be up and about, possibly causing more problems for them. Every second he wasted checking his knife was in place and counting his bolts was a second he could be out there searching further afield, getting them more much needed supplies. Snatching up his crossbow he finds himself jerked back a second, stumbling on the top step and smacking away Carl’s hand from his shirt.

“Daryl, they’ve already gone.” Carl explains and with that Daryl feels his stomach drop a few inches. “Dad went in your place, he said you needed some sleep anyway and that you could stay here and help instead. Keep an eye on things whilst they were gone.”

Picking at his bow he keeps his gaze on the weapon for a moment, letting it all sink in as he tried to ignore the pang of anger and upset that ran through him. They’d gone without him, left him here at the prison to stand around and be out of their way. Rick clearly though he shouldn’t be leaving any time soon, most likely he was worried about him managing to screw up out there and get someone else killed, or lose someone, or get himself injured and cause more issues. Tossing his bow down onto his makeshift bed he ignores the clatter it gives, not caring if he scratches the damned thing at the moment he feels so hollow.

Judith fusses, catching his attention and drawing Beth up the stairs to his perch. She’s bright as always, sweeping in with a smile and instantly cuddling up Judith without a care. “Morning Daryl, thanks for looking after Judith last night, it was nice to sleep the whole way through for once.” He gives her a tight smile and nod in return, only thinking if he’d not had the baby he might have been up in time and though he knows it’s anyone but Beth’s fault, he’d still rather not have her be so happy around him. “And nice bedhead.” She giggles and heads back down to the lower level, leaving Daryl to run his fingers through his messy hair and Carl to chuckle beside him.

He’s frustrated with himself for managing to still screw up even whilst trying to help and now he was left here with their one legged doctor, the people from Woodbury that hated him and the kids of varying ages. Wonderful, he got to spend the day as a glorified babysitter as punishment for messing up.

Carl nudges at him on his way past, nodding for him to follow and oblivious to his want to just disappear for a while. “Come on, we saved you some food since you didn’t have dinner yesterday.” Daryl stomach growls in agreement, and he gives a small sigh before following the kid to their makeshift kitchen, glad that at least there’s no one else around at this time of day.

It seems someone had told Carl to keep an eye on him or something, because the kid was almost attached to his side the entire time. Fetching Daryl’s bowl of porridge and plastic spoon himself, before bringing over a jug of water and cup then sitting opposite him with a grin. He hates being babysat but can’t deny that he’s starving so instead he focuses on eating his fill, nudging his bowl to sit between them on the table and offering Carl another spoon. “You’re a growing boy.” He simply gives as explanation, letting them both share the food was the least he could do. Rick wouldn’t want his son growing up like a weed.

The kid doesn’t refuse and between mouthfuls Daryl finds himself the audience to Carl’s plans of the day and isn’t surprised to find that he’d somehow been pencilled in to share them even though he hadn’t wished to. “Dad said we’re in charge whilst he’s not here, so we need to sort out the pigs, check the fences and make sure the walkers aren’t weakening anywhere too much.” Daryl doesn’t even have the energy to argue anymore, so he nods, figuring that if that’s where Rick wants him to be then that’s where he’ll be, doing the jobs that need doing. Even if they weren’t really the important ones like hunting or supply runs.

They both know the fence isn’t weak at all, they’d been clearing the place as often as possible and reinforcing anywhere that looked damaged, he’d taken out a fair few walkers yesterday evening and the pigs were pigs, they pretty much looked after themselves. Still, a job was a job and if these were the only ones they thought him capable of tackling, then he’d do them. It hurt a little to lose so much trust so quickly, but what good was complaining about it going to do?

Carl finishes off the bowl with a grin, setting it aside to be washed before standing, still smiling as if it was the perfect day and he wasn’t having to watch a grown man because his father didn’t trust him enough. Checking his knife is in place he walks alongside Carl with the scraps bucket between them, wondering exactly what Rick had said to Carl about him and if there was a way to fix the kid’s view of him.

“How come no one woke me?” He asks, helping Carl lift the bucket and empty it into the trough, getting happy squeals and grunts from the sow and her piglets. They lean on the fence for a while, just watching the animals enjoy their meal, covered in filth and seemingly ignorant of the world outside of their food trough.

“Dad said you needed sleep.” Carl shrugs, tilting back his hat a little to look at him and at least he doesn’t act any different from usual. Daryl is pleased of that fact, at least they can pretend nothing was wrong. “You have been looking pretty tired these last few days Daryl.”

Meaning that Rick hadn’t wanted a tired Daryl to be a liability on a run, great. Giving a nod he doesn’t agree nor disagree, just understanding their viewpoint and though it hurts to be left behind without an explanation, he supposes it’s for the best. “I’m fine.” He mutters in reply, not wanting Carl to have to worry about him, it was bad enough everyone else was already doing that.

The kid nods, leaning on the fence with Daryl and watching as the piglets run about chasing each other. “You can’t tell dad, but I’ve named them all.” Carl leans in as if it’s a secret, as if Daryl should be pleased he’s being allowed in on this and feel privileged. In a strange way he does and follows Carl’s finger accordingly when he begins pointing out the pigs. “The mom is Violet and the babies are Bandit, Truffle, Pork, Chop and Chaps.”

Daryl snorts at the last name, actually smiling and enjoying the moment for once. Carl’s an all right kid and it’s a nice enough distraction for a moment to just think about how in the hell the piglet got to be named Chaps. “Should’ve called one Bacon or Ham.” He smirks, enjoying the sound of Carl joining in with the laughter and agreeing.

“I know they’re just food and I shouldn’t get attached, but I just think they should have names you know? Least then we can enjoy a plate of Violet and have a name to put to the face that was sacrificed you know?” Carl explains, leaning over the fence to scratch between Violet’s ears lightly. It’s kind of nice out here where he could ignore the sound of the walkers and concentrate on the simpler things in life, and for a few moments he can see the kid that Carl might have been if the outbreak hadn’t happened.

Daryl nods in understanding and though Rick didn’t understand it, he had a vague idea of what Carl was getting at. It’s stupid that he felt more connected to the kid of the group at the moment than any of the adults, but Carl didn’t seem to be judging him very much and if he was more comfortable here then so be it. He wonders if Carl ever feels like this, lost and separated from the rest of the group, completely alone no matter how hard you try. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be helpful and a part of it all, it just didn’t seem to be working at the moment.

Carol had shaken some sense into him at least and now he knew the problems he could work on fixing it. Even if it started with feeding pigs and being watched by Carl, he could make his way up the ladder and it started with the first step. “Daryl?” Turning to face the kid he’s not entirely certain what brought the next question on, but he feels uncomfortable all over again. “You miss your brother?”

He watches Carl for a moment, wondering exactly why he’d brought up Merle right now. Maybe Rick had mentioned he was worried Daryl wasn’t going to be pulling his weight, acting more like Merle had when he’d been at the prison. It made sense, they were taking away any real responsibilities he had and keeping him here, locked up where he couldn’t cause a problem. Honestly it wouldn’t surprise him if they ended up locking him in a cell when no one was there to keep an eye on him. All he’d ever wanted to be when he was younger was like Merle, someone Merle would be proud of and happy to call his brother. Now here he was, worrying that the people he cared about were beginning to see him exactly like that.

The silence stretches between them to an uncomfortable length, and Daryl can’t hold Carl’s gaze any longer, instead shifting to watch the pigs again and not giving an answer. That seems to be answer enough for the kid and Daryl is surprised to feel Carl press against his side, a half-hearted sort of hug he supposes. “I miss my mom too.”

Daryl’s never done well with sharing emotions and just because Carl was a kid didn’t make it any easier. So he lets the kid rest against him as long as he wants, not pushing him away but not pulling him closer either. He wants to show he’s nothing like Merle anymore, he only cares about what’s best for them all as a family and is willing to do what he can. “I should go hunt, get us some dinner or something.”

Carl pulls back, still watching him even though Daryl won’t meet his eye. “Not today, Carol’s baking bread, we’re having a mish mash of sandwiches for dinner.” He explains and Daryl can hear that Rick didn’t want him going hunting in between the words. It’s enough to make him want to work even harder and with a nod he’s pulling back from the fence to start heading back to their makeshift kitchen, ready to help Carol as much as he could and let her know he was nothing like his brother.

Words are difficult for him to get right, but he’s going to try his hardest to let her know that he’s changed for the better. He’d never baked bread before in his life, honestly he was no chef, but he’d try his best and let Carol teach him what he needed to know. Chewing on his lower lip he tries to plan out what he was going to say to her, to let her know he was dedicated and not as useless as they all believed. She’d let it be known that she thought he was lazy and stuck to what he knew instead of striving to be helpful in other areas, so he’d take that first step and prove her wrong. Still he’d have to talk to her about it all first and that was where his downfall lie.

Still, starting with ‘sorry’ seemed like a decent idea.


	7. Chapter 7

Carol knows she is a different person from who she used to be before all of this. When she was with Ed she wouldn’t stand up for herself, never would she cuss nor do anything without her husband’s say so, she was used to being meek and mild mannered. She remembers looking at herself in the mirror some mornings, wondering who she was and where all her hopes and dreams had disappeared to. Ed had squashed them down inside of herself, locked them away in a little box and made sure she knew they had to remain hidden. It had eaten away at her, until she was nothing but entirely his.

Everyone commented on how small she looked, whenever she was around him she would keep her head down, bury herself and her wants inside, become nothing more than a shell of the woman she wanted to be. Sophia helped a little, her beautiful daughter gave her something to love, something to believe in and she remember promising herself that she would not allowed her daughter to lock herself away in a box as well. She’d fought in her own small way but in the end it had taken the end of her world to let her grow.

Now here she was, surviving with the strongest of them all, taking charge of herself and her existence in more ways than she ever had before. Carol had made sure she was helpful to the group, taking in all of Hershel’s lessons in first aid, making sure to keep control of their mini kitchen and after the death of Lori and loss of Andrea, she’d somehow become their honourary first lady. It wasn’t a place she was used to being in and a lifetime of being the only one to do any chores meant she hadn’t quite learned how to delegate tasks to others yet.

She figures that’s why she’d snapped the other day at Daryl, after being pressured and pressured and asked to do everything all over again. After Ed she’d promised herself she’d never be that meek little woman again, locked in a box inside of herself and screaming to be free. It hadn’t been anyone’s fault really, more just a mix of sudden change and trying to adapt to all the new people around her and having them look to her in a position of leadership. It’s why she had snapped at Daryl and now she felt terrible about it all.

It seems her snapping at him had been a trigger to the man and he’d crumpled into mourning for his brother and begun withdrawing away from them all again. He was beginning to act more and more like the man she’d met at the quarry, defensive and on edge all the time, looking for someone to fight with him. The guilt over it all made her feel awful and she’d tried her best to give him her sympathy and let him know she was there for him, but like with Sophia it seemed Daryl wasn’t very good at mourning those he cared for.

Her friend had drawn away, focussing on working all the time and keeping away from everyone. Carol swears she’d seen him flinch before now and he’d been doing so well to keep that under control. Ever since he and Rick had gotten closer it seemed he’d been managing to quell the fear of being hit, and not react to every sudden noise with a jerk and panicked look. Now here he was, back at square one and leaving her unsure how to proceed when Daryl wouldn’t talk to her.

Kneading the dough she scatters more flour on the board they use as a side, letting herself get into the soothing motions of getting the dough ready to rise before baking. It’s calming to take out the stress on the dough and though she knows it’ll be nowhere near as good as the bread from beforehand, it would still be bread and that was enough of a treat as it was, even if it was more gritty than they liked. No one would complain, not when they were taking bites of the leftover meat they had between two slices of thick bread. It wouldn’t be the most difficult of dinners, but it would make a change for once and sometimes that helped the days pass a little better.

The sound of someone approaching makes her look up and to her surprise she finds Daryl shuffling over, chewing on his thumb nail and looking completely out of place in the kitchen area. Cocking her head to the side a little she watches as he fidgets, placing his bow down on the table and watching the floor as he shuffles closer to her, seeming on edge about something. “Pookie?” She hopes for a laugh, a smirk or something the silly nickname usually gets but there’s nothing, Daryl doesn’t even look up. “Is something wrong?”

He shrugs, helpful as always when trying to explain himself but he does glance up when she sighs and before his head ducks to watch his feet again she thinks she sees a glimmer of annoyance in his eyes. Daryl is possibly the most frustrating person she’d ever met but in the most friendly way possible. Talking doesn’t seem to be his strong point and neither does explaining himself, so she carries on kneading the dough, giving him space to think for a moment.

“I ain’t so good at people.” Daryl mutters and though she knows it’s easier for him to talk without her watching him, she can’t help but glance over her shoulder to see him shrug and mumble around his thumb. “Never have been, talking ain’t so easy and I get all mixed up and say the wrong things. People think I’m stupid, but I ain’t, I just ain’t so sure what to say sometimes.” He shrugs and glimpses up through his too long hair to her before carrying on.

“Just wanted to let you know, bout the other day? I’m sorry I made you mad. Weren’t what I wanted, I didn’t mean to ask so much of you and I know you always got so much to do and having me ask for shit weren’t helping. I know I’m clingy and get in the way all the time, Merle and my dad let me know that, but I didn’t mean to make you mad.” She hates when he talks about himself like this, taking all the blame and putting himself down, but it’s something she remembers doing herself when she was under Ed’s thumb and she figures Daryl had been beaten down more years than she had and it was a habit hard to break.

Shaking her head a little she tries to find a towel to wipe her hands, wanting to stop him and explain herself. The other day hadn’t been about him at all, it had been about her and her stress, she hated that he’d taken it all upon himself so hard. “Daryl…”

“But I’ve been trying to fix myself.” Daryl continues and she gives a little sigh as she listens to him. “Been trying to help out more with the shit I ain’t so good at, like looking after Lil Asskicker and stuff, to give you a bit of a break from it all. It ain’t fair of me to keep taking from you when you already give so much and all I do is go hunt. Didn’t mean to be a dick about it and make you mad, was my fault is all I’m saying and I’m sorry I pissed you off.”

They’d thought he’d been in mourning for Merle, but in truth he’d just been hiding from them all and trying not to be a nuisance. Dammit if she’d have known she’d have spoken to him about it sooner, but he’d seemed to just be so Daryl about it all that she couldn’t get a read on his reactions. There’s no towel around to wipe off the flour so she tries to gets rid of the powder on her pants. “Daryl…”

He doesn’t let her stop him and when he carries on again she knows this is something he’s been working himself up over in silence. “I’m trying to get better and I want you to know that I know it was my fault, but I don’t want you to be pissed at me no more. I don’t like it when you all are pissed at me, so I’m trying harder to be better for ya’ll even if I don’t like some of the jobs I got to do. Ain’t fair you take it all on yourself so here I am, sorry I’m a clingy, lazy son of a bitch, but I wanna help.”

When it’s clear he’s gotten the end of his apology she stands a watches him for a moment, seeing the way he’s watching his feet and seemingly ready to bolt if she snapped at him again. Instead she doesn’t quite know how to say how she’s feeling and before she knows it she’d grabbing a handful of flour, throwing it over him and making him startle a little at the sudden attack. “You’re an idiot.”

Daryl is at least looking at her now, blinking stupidly and glancing at the flour all over him before nodding, still clearly unsure. “Okay…”

Before he can start apologising again she throws another handful over him, smiling when he looks completely unsure as to what the hell was going on in her mind. Honestly she’s not too sure either but if it’ll get that awful serious look off his face then she'll carry on. “No seriously you’re an idiot.” Folding her arms across her chest she ignores the cloud of flour that comes off of her hands, smearing on her shirt and marking her up just like him. “I was mad at everything the other day, not you. God Daryl you thought I was angry at you and you spent the past few days pulling away from us because of it? We were so worried about you!”

“You were?” He brings his arms up to defend himself when she throws the next handful of flour over him and a part of her knows they should be careful with their supplies but then Daryl is coughing on a cloud of white dust and it’s worth it when he blinks at her before grabbing his own handful and flicking it back at her. “I was fine.”

“We thought you were in mourning over Merle. We were so scared you were going to go and do something stupid and get yourself hurt or something.” She continues, dusting off the flour he hits her with and grabbing two handfuls this time, unable to stop the smile on her face when she throws them his way and Daryl ends up dodging them. “That’s why we didn’t want you going on runs or leaving the prison until we were sure you were alright.”

Daryl seems to take a moment to think over the last few days as he grabs at her, stopping her from scooping up anymore flour and wrapping his arm across her own, keeping her pinned as she squirms against him. It’s not a fight so much as a game for them and when Daryl grabs a handful of flour and rubs it in her hair she ends up giggling against him, trying to blow the powder away from her face. When she manages to face him he’s smiling, well there’s a smirk at the corner of his lips and she knows that’s about as good as she’s going to get.

“Honestly Daryl, you do plenty enough around her, without you we’d all have starved months ago, you know we appreciate everything you do for us don’t you?” She asks him, their flour fight forgotten as she looks into his eyes, urging him to understand and actually listen to what she was saying.

He shrugs but she can see the blush across the tops of his cheeks when he glances away, unable to meet her eyes at the compliment. “You know we feel the same about you right?” He grunts and she takes that to mean he understood. “I mean I know it ain’t the same as hunting, but you look after us all, wash our clothes and make this place actually feel like a home for all of us.” Daryl reaches up to rub at the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable with the situation but the fact he was still here showed how much he’d grown. “It means a lot.”

“I know that.” She nods and tries to explain herself, pulling away from him a little to give them both some space but not losing focus on him at all. “That day was just a tough one for me, and with everything all piling on top one after the other I snapped, you just happened to be the one there I took it out on. I know I was rude to you, and it’s not an excuse to make it better, but I knew you could take it and I’m sorry for doing that to you.” She apologises, giving him a small smile and reaching out to rub at him arm, relieved when he doesn’t flinch even the slightest bit.

Daryl rolls his eyes a little bit, clearly over having such a heart to heart conversation and ready to pretend it never happened. “Well I’m sorry for being an idiot and taking your shit. Next time I’ll tell you to go take a time out.” He huffs, folding his arms over his chest, holding his head up high and Carol can’t help but giggle out loud when her next handful of flour hits him right in the face.

“Next time you try to push us all away I’m chasing you down.” She snickers, moving to resume kneading the dough as if nothing had happened, ignoring his coughing and sputtering behind her.

It’s not a few seconds later that he gets her back, throwing at entire bag of flour at her back and making her gasp as she’s consumed by a huge cloud of white dust around her. “Got to catch me first.” Daryl calls from within his makeshift smoke cloud and she’s after him, the dough forgotten as she snatches up another bag and chases him through the courtyard, spattering flour over everything and everyone they pass until she manages to tip it over his head and into his hair. Daryl laughs, actually laughs for the first time in a long time and she can’t help but join in, managing to clap some flour hand prints onto his rear as he ducks away to hide from her and her flour attack.

She doesn’t know if the box locked away inside of Daryl is broken entirely yet, maybe there’s still a few pieces of the man caught in the edges that need help getting free again, but she’ll be there every step of the way to help as much as she can.


End file.
